Fake it until you make it they say…
Smile— they say…
Count your blessings is another one I often hear.  But, do these work?  If I feel sad can I pretend to be happy?  Will it make any difference?

Often I get stuck in my head, in the “emotional weeds” a friend once put it.  I think things are much worse than they actually are.  I fill my head and heart with negative thoughts.  So much negativity that I am filled with angst.  I lose track of the blessings God has given to me.  I forget to look for beauty in the day, and worry at night.

I worry about losing my kids without ever stopping to thank God for the gift they are in the first place.  I get frustrated with my husband instead of realizing he is caring for me as God told him to.  I take my parents for granted while barely realizing they are getting older.

Sometimes God allows adversity to come in to slow us down.  What we chose to do when these times come make all the difference.  We can choose to be filled with anger and annoyance that our way has been blocked, causing us to miss His lesson.  However, we can choose to accept the slower pace and notice the lessons God is teaching us along the way.  Thanking God for His grace and His mercy.

So as it seems…maybe counting our blessings has some truth in it after all.

For Real

What is stopping me from living the life I want to live? I have a lot of excuses but what is the reason…For REAL?

I have been gifted with so much time, a beautiful place to work and a supportive husband.

I don’t even do the things I love to do let alone the stuff I should do.

I love to journal and sometimes I don’t.
I desire to be a writer and I don’t write.
I would feel better if I exercised but I don’t.
I need to stop spending money but I don’t.
Real food would fuel me but I struggle to cook.
I have friends I love and I should call or visit…but I don’t.

Why? What is my reason? For real?

I feel paralyzed by indecision, too depressed to leave the house.
So what do I do? I numb out in front of the computer, endlessly scrolling until I feel 2 feet tall. Images of beauty and affluence.
Ways I could never compare, and truth be told ways I don’t want to compare. These promises of the “american” dream are so
empty. Even still I realize that minimalism, although great, will not hide me from my demons.

I must pause and look deep inside for the reasons I run. The reasons I hide. For real.

I love this quote by Nicole Lyons. “She will rise. With a spine of steel, and a roar like thunder, she will rise.”

I must rise up from the lies that keep me down. I must embrace the life that God has for me. But first, I need to stop running scared. Running from God and stop to hear His voice of grace and love.

Fear can not rule and neither can complacency. I must rise and face the problem head on.