For Real

What is stopping me from living the life I want to live? I have a lot of excuses but what is the reason…For REAL?

I have been gifted with so much time, a beautiful place to work and a supportive husband.

I don’t even do the things I love to do let alone the stuff I should do.

I love to journal and sometimes I don’t.
I desire to be a writer and I don’t write.
I would feel better if I exercised but I don’t.
I need to stop spending money but I don’t.
Real food would fuel me but I struggle to cook.
I have friends I love and I should call or visit…but I don’t.

Why? What is my reason? For real?

I feel paralyzed by indecision, too depressed to leave the house.
So what do I do? I numb out in front of the computer, endlessly scrolling until I feel 2 feet tall. Images of beauty and affluence.
Ways I could never compare, and truth be told ways I don’t want to compare. These promises of the “american” dream are so
empty. Even still I realize that minimalism, although great, will not hide me from my demons.

I must pause and look deep inside for the reasons I run. The reasons I hide. For real.

I love this quote by Nicole Lyons. “She will rise. With a spine of steel, and a roar like thunder, she will rise.”

I must rise up from the lies that keep me down. I must embrace the life that God has for me. But first, I need to stop running scared. Running from God and stop to hear His voice of grace and love.

Fear can not rule and neither can complacency. I must rise and face the problem head on.

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